I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
