I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
