took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
