Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize