Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
