so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize