I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
