im drinking this country out of the recession.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize