you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
