i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
