We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
