there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize