I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
