this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
