my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
