just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize