my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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