The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
