That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
The power of my boobs compel you
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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