Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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