you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Actions speak louder than pants.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
