I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
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