i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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