If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Randomize
