He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
