The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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