how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
