yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
