happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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