dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
