Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
