If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Randomize
