is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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