How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
