if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
