it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
