I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
