I just threw up on my dentist
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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