JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
