Me. At least after what I've been through.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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