Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize