anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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