Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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