i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
