i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
