Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
