Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
