Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
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