Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
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