PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
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