you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Duck Duck Cougar?
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize