my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
