btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
