Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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