I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Every concussion has its silver lining
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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