So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize