I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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