Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
home. puking in laundry basket.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
