Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Randomize
