It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
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