If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
if only i could text you this smell
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
