Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
