i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
