i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize