ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
