I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
