I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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