I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
