Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
