remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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